Comics / Cult Favorite

Where Is My Super Suit?!


By Philip Schweier
April 26, 2005 - 13:13

ednaemode.jpg
Edna, dahling. That's all you need to know.


Hello, Dahling.

Love to see you jump ship to the Super-whatsis movie, but a word of advice from me to you. These movies you make? Is all fantasy, no? Please, leave costume design to the professionals.

I know Louise Mingenbach, dahling. Is good at what she does. But sometimes, dear boy, you must not tamper with the classics. X-men, is okay. Many costumes, so many it tires me, dahling. So, to give new suits, why not? What’s one more in the closet. Leather, not so good, not very flexible, but classic look, better than yellow spandex.

Uggh! Don’t get me stahted on spandex, dahling. Is hideous. Oh, fine for tiny blonde going to gym, but not for hero, – unless he swish with the cape more than we know. Spandex too shiny, all that glitz and tinsel, save it for movie opening in Hollywood.

But, back to super-suit. No, dahling, I don’t like it. Colors, so-so. They upset some people, but liebchen, you have bigger problems. Or perhaps, not so big, but too small.

routhsuperman.jpg
Brandon Routh's debut appearnce as the Man of Steel


Boots: too small. Big and clunky, like a miner forty-niner. Must be sleek, my little boychick, must be, how you zay, aero-dynameek.

Briefs: too zmall. Is Man of Steel, dahling, not Chippendale dancer.

S: too small. Why not wear as lapel pin, you make it so tiny. Applique shield idea on chest good, not so practical. Clark Kent must wear under street clothes. How he get away with that, hmmmm? No, dahling, it zimply won’t do.

Und now the tunic, dahling, oh, where to begin, I’m so disappointed. The collar is too high, is not a t-shirt. Must allow freedom to move, to let cape flow.

I know, NO CAPES. I contradict myself, but is my privilege as AHTIST, dahling. Cape is crucial to Superman. All others, feh. Except maybe that Batmensch, but he need wings anyway. But Superman without cape is like Lone Ranger without mask, Tahzan without his little loin cloth. Cape, I know not what it made of, but it look like leather. Say it isn’t so, dahling. Must be light, and airy, to blow in wind majestically in front of stahs und stripes.

So, you work on costume, dear boy, and get back to me. Is good staht for first movie in the series. Even George Reeves not quite get it right first time out. You stick with me, dahling, and in time, I’m sure you will become apt pupil.

Now, I go. Am so exhausted. They want me for Ghost Rider movie, and I simply cannot cope, dahling, all the leather und chains, it make so much noise in the dryer.

Edna

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Praise and adulation? Scorn and ridicule? Email me at philip@comicbookbin.com.


Last Updated: August 31, 2023 - 08:12

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